I hate thinking the same thoughts but not being able to move past them or come to a resolution.
Regarding my mother, I keep thinking 3 things: I’m not strong enough to have her in my life, I’m never going to move past this without facing her, and if she dies I will have regrets forever. Those three thoughts have been swirling in my subconscious like a hurricane crossing the gulf. Twisting, seething, and brewing. Not close to land yet, but the possibility still exists.
This may be the most important decision of my adult life, letting her back in or closing her out forever.