Seeing the good in bad

In August I got really sick one day. I had abdominal pain which got worse and worse. I went to the ER and found out I had massive fibroids on my uterus and cysts on both ovaries. I also had significant scarring from endometriosis.

This was all news to me; I had just seen the ob doctor about a year and a half prior and everything was fine. I didn’t have problems with my cycle and had no idea there was an issue.

I was in shock. They had no answers for me in the hospital, just to follow up with my doctor within two weeks.

I couldn’t get in to see the doctor right away; she was booked solid. I spent that week at home on the couch in pain.

When I finally saw her, the first thing she said was that I needed surgery. I figured this was the case so I was not surprised.

The surgery was scheduled for the following week so I didn’t have time to even worry about it or be nervous. I was still in shock.

The surgery had complications and ended up being much more extensive than originally planned.

What I wasn’t expecting was the feelings after the surgery. I had never planned to have children as I was raised in a very abusive household and I didn’t want to risk passing that on to someone else. I refuse to repeat what my mother did to me. However after the surgery I found myself deep in a period of mourning.

I mourned the loss of part of my body, and the choice of having children one day. I was shocked and it took me completely off guard. I had been so sure. I’m still mostly sure, but wow,  I was definitely not expecting those feelings!

I fell into a deep depression over the next few months. It’s now been 5 months since my surgery and I’m still struggling with those feelings.

Last night I had an epiphany with the help of a good friend. While the surgery really was awful, and I’m sad that I don’t have the choice of giving birth, many good things have happened as a direct result of the surgery.

Yes, you read that correctly. Good things have come from my hysterectomy. Many in fact.

First, I started this blog which has helped me deal with many things in my life.

Second, I have talked to and been supported by so many amazing people on WordPress!

I found another blogger with a lot of the same interests and issues as me. We became fast friends and are able to support each other through everything.

I reconnected with my cousins and my aunt. They have all been amazingly supportive throughout everything and I’m so thankful to have them back in my life.

We adopted an amazing and adorable bunny who always makes me smile even during the worst times. He was a vital part of my recovery from surgery and kept me moving around when I just wanted to hide in bed for days.

I had time off of work, which is never a bad thing!

Last but not least I found out who my true friends are. People I would have never expected stepped up and showed me amazing support. Others that I thought would be there showed their true colors.

It’s often hard to imagine that there could be good things in the worst thing. But often things happen for a reason, and many great things can occur as a direct result of even the shittiest thing.

As they say, when one door closes another one opens. The childbearing door closed, but another door opened to my family, new friends, a pet and a whole Internet’s worth of love and support.

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4 thoughts on “Seeing the good in bad

  1. aunttabbi

    I had a similar situation that resulted in a hysterectomy as well. My surgery was just over a year ago, and sometimes I still find myself mourning the loss of my chance to have children or I feel that something is missing from my life now. I’m glad that good things have come from your hysterectomy. It’s good that you can see positive in the negative.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just wanted to say that you’re not alone and your feelings off loss and mourning are extremely valid. I got pregnant unexpectedly a few years ago. I was on birth control, so you can imagine my shock. My husband and I were not yet married at the time, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep the baby. We both decided not to. Then the following day after being apart for our normal work day, we sat down and discussed how we both decided that we actually want to keep it. I went to the doctor and started the whole future mama pregnancy process, long story short, the pregnancy ended up being ectopic and we had to terminate the pregnancy for my health. So, back to your original post… I felt such a loss. And no one really understood. My husband tried to be supportive but it was hard. I felt like my body failed and betrayed me. But all of this lead to my weight gain and a the negativity that took over my soul. I have lost the weight and see the beauty in the world again. You’ll get there and it looks like you’re taking all the right steps. I just wanted you to know that you’re not in this world alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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