Thankful

I’ve dealt with the worst shit in life. My mother and father abandoned me. My mother beat me, tried to crush my spirit. I struggle every day with anxiety and depression.

Somehow, despite everything I have persevered and fought. God, I’ve fought such a battle, through the worst, in the pits of hell. I’ve kept going no matter what. And it’s finally paying off.

This morning I was looking around at my life and thinking. I have a good life. I have a partner who has been with me through everything and hasn’t given up on me. I have cousins that care about me, and a crazy aunt that tries to be there for me even though emotions make her uncomfortable. I have a good job and can pay my bills. I have a nice place to live. I have a few friends; good supportive friends. I have awesome pets that make me smile. Today, life is good. Good enough that I’m so thankful it brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.

I think this is what makes depression the worst. When depression rules my life I can’t see these good things. It’s like I’m in a cloud. A thick, dense, black cloud. Everything seems hopeless and I feel helpless. I can’t see the good in anything, only the bad.

When I’m lucky enough to come up for air out of this cloud of depression I’m able to look around and see things as they really are. Sure, I’ve had a less than ideal life. I’ve made progress only to have it ripped out of my hands and pushed back to where I started, if not further back. But I keep fighting. I keep trying. That’s what makes the difference.

I’d like to challenge everyone that reads this. Think really, really hard. Imagine yourself pushing those clouds to the side so you can see your life in its true form. What are you thankful for?

I’m convinced everyone has at least one positive thing in their life, no matter how bad it seems.

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One thought on “Thankful

  1. Today you see your life as it is! You see the good, positive things you have. That is the best gift of them all. I’m so thankful reading this and seeing that this is how you are starting your day. You see the positivity that I see in it, and I’m grateful. Enjoy this feeling! And I hope beyond a measurable means that when you are feeling sad, and depressed that even a glimmer of recognition of what is beyond that sadness comes to you, and you remember how you feel today…. It gets better. You are not alone. You are loved!

    Liked by 1 person

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