Recently I wrote a posting about Self Abuse. QP had some interesting insight on the dangers of that evil word “should”. Here are her thoughts:
Should is a lie. The whole Idea of “should” is that it isn’t what is. It’s a definition and description of a situation that doesn’t exist. It’s what “should be”, as defined by you.
Should is a letdown. By definition, reality will never meet the standards of “should be”. I should be a millionaire living on a yacht eating Swedish caviar right now. Unfortunately….. that isn’t reality.
Should is a choice. We can choose where to draw our line of expectation. If you expect to win the lottery today, likely today will suck for you. If you expect to work 8 hours without sticking a fork in someone’s eye, you may come home feeling happy and accomplished (assuming you didn’t actually insert fork in eye, of course). This is totally your choice. And it effects EVERYTHING.
Should is a bad attitude maker. If we fixate on what “should be”, and of course, what “is” will never measure up, the world will continually look like we got the short end of the stick. We will be focusing on the parts of life that don’t meet our expectations, and by setting our expectations in the fantasy realm of “should”, that means basically all elements of life will look pale and sad in comparison.
So think about this next time you hear yourself or someone else saying “the boss should be nicer”, or “my house should be cleaner”. Accept it or change it, but don’t waste one more precious moment on wishes and fantasy. If you only change your perspective and lower your expectations life will become a much more rockin place.