Everyone struggles

Having an abdominal hysterectomy at 33 was bad. Hell, it was terrible and the hardest thing I’ve faced. Which, considering what I’ve faced in my life, seems extreme. And it was. The surgery was extreme, the recovery has been extreme. Dealing with that without any other issues would be extreme. Dealing with a hysterectomy with depression and anxiety is impossible. I feel like that alone is too much.

Last week I started back at work. I’m using up the rest of my vacation days to work half days for two weeks because I can’t physically handle more than 4 hours at a desk. The pain and exhaustion is too much past that.

What’s worse is the attitudes of my coworkers. I understand being resentful because you just did all of my work for 13 weeks, and now I’m only working half days for 2 more. But believe me, if I could trade, I would do all of your work for the rest of time to avoid what I’ve been going through. And your snide comments about me leaving early and “enjoying my afternoon off while we keep this boat afloat” isn’t helping. If anything, it is making my recovery worse and making it even more impossible. I’m not sure what you think I’m doing in the afternoon that I’m enjoying so much, but the reality is I’m stuck on the couch in pain with no energy to even get up and get a drink of water. The reality is I have to drag myself out of bed every morning to even manage to get ready for work, let alone find the energy and willpower to work those 4 hours. So feel free to continue to be angry at me for taking time off to have surgery. Continue to talk behind my back and make comments to my face. Continue with the silent treatment and cold shoulder. I’m sorry that your life has been so terrible that you cannot find any empathy for another person who is clearly having trouble. I’m sorry you are so miserable that you have to make their hard time worse by dragging them down even further. I’m also sorry you are so spineless that if I confronted you about this you would deny that anything was going on. Clearly you must think I’m really dumb.

I guess the gist of what I am trying to say is that everyone is having a hard time. Some have it harder than others. I just don’t understand why we have to take our own pain and put it off on other people and make their life experience worse? I am trying my hardest not to take the recent events of my life and negatively impact others. I have stopped telling the truth when people ask how I’m feeling because I don’t want to bring dark clouds on their day. I say “I’m ok” when I’m really not, because I know you have your own problems and I don’t want to put mine off on you. So couldn’t you do me the simple favor of putting aside the grade school playground mentality with your cliques and gossip and act like a normal person for once? You don’t have to feel sorry for me, I don’t need that. You don’t have to even ask me how I am. Just stop treating me like a pariah and giving me the silent treatment. Because honestly, I already have so much going on I’m barely staying afloat as it is. Pull your head out of your own sand for a second and realize everyone is going through something and stop adding to it by acting like a 5 year old.


7 thoughts on “Everyone struggles

  1. I get you … you know that I do. PLEASE know that I do. I have left previous comments about how you should not let these others affect you because they don’t know what you’re going through — EASIER SAID THAN DONE! I applaud you for confronting these others even if they deny their snide remarks and little hurtful comments. I can only imagine how hard and uncomfortable it must have been to confront some of these individuals. It would be hard from an emotional standpoint, hard from a physical standpoint and really just downright scary because you don’t know how the others will respond (or react) … the fear of the unknown. I am sorry that you have even had to have this conversation with others.

    I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before and if you’ve given me an answer and I can’t recall what I said, but are you able to go to your supervisor and voice what is going on having her (or him) talk to these folks about their inappropriate comments after your surgery? I hope your boss is not one of those folks because that would require a conversation with that person as well … and that’s a whole other level of difficulty.

    I’ve always said that you only have one chance to recover from a surgery. This is a time frame that is essential in YOUR healing to go well and to move forward quicker after a surgery, especially a hysterectomy. The guilt-making attempts these co-workers are saying IS completely inappropriate and it is a form of bullying. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself after a surgery. We are individuals who heal individually after our individual surgeries.

    Please hang in there. Confront the inappropriate comments as they are spoken in that moment to put the kibosh on them. Sit on your couch and rest, but most importantly put those support people in your life who value you and can help you heal. I know work won’t allow you to cut those people out of your life. Dig into your work, even if it’s only a few hours that you are there. Immerse yourself in your work, trying to distance yourself and have less exposure to those who are giving you a hard time, saying inappropriate hurtful comments, while staying aware enough to confront the comments when they occur.

    If you are on social media, again, surround yourself with your own support group … kind people who can and will support you during this time of recovery. You deserve it. Your body deserves it. Your future deserves it. Your emotional you deserves it. The loved ones in your life deserve it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words. I’ve gone to my boss before and she made it worse. I unfortunately have very few friends, but my aunt and cousins have been amazing. With depression and anxiety it’s hard to get out of the house much, especially with surgery so I’ve lost most of my friends. The ones I do have live far away. I’ll be ok, I’m going to the doctor Saturday to switch meds so hopefully the new ones will work and it will be easier to be emotionally ok enough to deal with these people.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I reposted your post onto my blog because I think: 1) it’s essential for others who have had a hysterectomy to know that they are not alone, and 2) for people to realize that the recovery period for hysterectomy (other really any surgery) can be more difficult than many people realize.

        I’m sorry about your boss’ lack of support. Bosses can’t always be the people we would like them to be. While you say you have few friends (I do too!) I hope they are QUALITY friends because quantity isn’t everything for sure!

        Don’t let these others dull your sparkle! Keep your head up and be your own best advocate — you have to.

        ❤ ❤ ❤ Virtual hugs for you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on da Vinci Total Hysterectomy and commented:
    The physical side of recovery can be rough and it can be even more difficult when others in your life aren’t supportive or are simply downright nasty while lacking empathy.

    While I was able to return to my job after a four-week recovery without ridicule, others may have a different experience. After a surgery, not limited to hysterectomy alone, there truly is only one time to heal properly. After surgery and in the recovery period at home, it is ESSENTIAL to surround yourself with others who are supportive and if at all possible, put those unsupportive people in your past.

    Here is one woman’s account of personal struggle as she attempts to return to her life after hysterectomy.


  3. QPDoll

    I hope you know how much I love and admire you. You are amazing and strong, and have an immensely powerful will.

    Unfortunately no matter how hard you try, or how many ways you try, you can’t make someone into something they aren’t (see the sage words of Dr Dre https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGXhmz1bEfg).

    These folks are fighting their own struggles, and unfortunately that makes them not friend material. The kindest thing you can do is to accept them as they are today (shitty) and interact with them in a way that isn’t damaging to you. You are doing really well at that in the last few days, and I am hopeful that the positive behavioral changes will lighten your stress load.

    I’m so proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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